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Joke of the Day

"My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix."

"I wonder if they'll ever release Call of Duty Go in the UK They've been playing it in America for years"

"Friend of mine was shot at the bakery today, he is expected to make a full recovery. They say he was lucky it just glazed him, donut who did it but the cops are there."

"What do you call Muslims on a Plane? PASSENGERS!"

"What's the difference between a mixologist and a bartender? About ten minutes."

"A man walks into the bar... The bartender: ""Hi Dave!"" The boss faints."

"I thought my witty comeback was completely original.... Turns out it was a riposte."

"What do you call a black man who flies a plane? The pilot. ^^^^^You ^^^^^racist ^^^^^fuck."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem is overused, just like your mum."

"A duck fell into the sewer system the other day... It was pretty fowl-smelling."