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Joke of the Day
"This may sound arrogant but I think I could make a better Periodic Table."
Next Joke
"Why is rust on a car orange? Because its true car-rot"
"Holy crap! I forgot to have coffee today! What else did I forget? WHERE IS MY BABY?!? Wait, do I have one of those? DO I HAVE A BABY?!?"
"Any shampoo can be volume control shampoo if you cram the bottle directly into your kids mouth"
"I love how people say they're ""expecting"" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower."
"Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you're rock climbing."
"So I heard that Paul Walker, actor in Fast and Furious, died at the age of 40 in a car crash. I suppose he had bad *karma*"
"wife: its ruining date night me: its ruining date night because you're letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: just drop me off on the corner"
"Teacher Why did the teacher get glasses? Because she was having trouble with her pupils"
"My signature move is not caring which one yours is."