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Joke of the Day

"Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside."

"Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell ""Evian"" backwards!"

"How do u confuse a blonde Tell them to pee in the corner of a silo"

"Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends."

"Hanging out with fake, toxic people is like running a brothel for diseased cats. I don't do that shit anymore"

"Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?"

"I sent my kids to public school because I didn't want them to be spoiled. Turns out I didn't want them to be educated either."

"me: ""leave the door ajar on your way out"" jam salesman: [visibly confused]"

"[hospital] ""We found the problem. There's an entire sheep in your stomach."" ""Is that bahahaad?"" ""Yes. It's causing some internal bleating."""

"In a car it's illegal to not wear a seatbelt. But I guess if you're on a bus they figure death will be a sweet relief."