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Joke of the Day

"*swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* ""Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"""

"Why wouldn't the worker accept 10 fresh chickens as a reward for saving a farm on fire? It was a poultry amount"

"Girlfriend said ""I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late.. ..April fools!"""

"I'd tell you a joke about my penis... but it's way too long."

"What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp? Well, that was an unexpected twist!"

"After watching today's Apple event, I can confirm the new iPhone will not be a failure. In fact, it'll be a huge 6S."

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer? Ash credits to /u/nothingbutcold"

"DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]"

"I have to pee every hour, on the hour. ...it's like cockwork"

"I'm a ventriloquist. I can put my hand up your skirt and make your lips move!"