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Joke of the Day

"NSFW: I just realized that I've never been with a black or middle eastern girl... So I added them to my fuckit list."

"If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore"

"Before I got on the toilet, I was trying to look for toilet paper... And I almost lost my shit."

"My dad told me ""Son if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind"" I told him ""Dad I'm over here"""

"Did you hear about the terrorist who was sent to blow up a car? Well, he burned his lips on the exhaust pipe."

"What are the coldest triangles? Ice-sosceles"

"*rubs magic lamp, genie appears* I wish for World peace. Genie: Can't do it. Million dollars? Genie: Listen bro, I lied on my genie resume."

"If ""pro"" is the opposite of ""con What is the opposite of progress?"

"At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."

"Doctor then says to Pagliacci... ""New treatment. Get on stage and forget vagueness and uncertainty, or else the twelve guys I've already sent to go see you are going to fucking kill themselves."""