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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years... Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"I think it's time I remind you all that spoons are just tiny bowls with very long handles."

"My mate was killed yesterday, the bookies he worked in collapsed and he was pinned against the wall by boxes of betting slips. Firemen tried to help but the odds were stacked against him."

"Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?"

"There are 3 kinds of people in this world; those who can count, and those who can't."

"So you could say USA nuked Japan in the woman's world cup. Too soon?"

"A new study finds that chicken isn't as healthy for you as once thought. ""Just don't ask to see our data"" clucked one feathered researcher."

"Cashier: ""Sir, the toilet paper you're buying goes on sale tomorrow."" ""COOL, I'LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN."""

"Knock knock knock KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Hurry up Bobbi Kristina, I have to use the bathroom!"

"My ex girlfriend had a dog. That thing was so crazy I ended up putting her down. But I kept the dog."