117327

Joke of the Day

"My relationships are like a reddit safe pic. Starts off with great anticipations. No responses for a while. Then ends in empty promises and disappointment."

"Next time you're in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases."

"Why did Luke want to become a jedi so badly? He wanted to get Yoda off his back."

"*takes long drag from cigarette* *stares off into the distance* *slowly glances down at hand* *lights cigarette*"

"""Taxi"" A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi."

"How do call an idiot that has an assault rifle pointed at you? Sir."

"If all the women in the world died at once.... It would be a pain in the arse"

"New boss. How do you spot a bad boss your first day on the job? Check his/her pulse. (bitter at the workplace)"

"Having a child with down syndrome really is the best deal. You buy 46 chromosomes, and get one free."

"Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire."