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Joke of the Day

"Me: Put on your seatbelt. 13: Do I have to? Me: not if you want your face shattering the windshield 13: cool Me: PUT ON YOUR SEATBELT!"

"after watching the Cricket for a few hours I think I finally understand it they make that noise by rubbing their wings together"

"Friends and family sometimes said I was a kid stuck in a man's body. The police say I'm a man caught in a kids body."

"So as a society we will forever argue and debate over religion and political beliefs yet we freely accept that Mr. Rogers can speak trolley?"

"My estranged father bought me a telescope for Christmas We're a lot closer now."

"Come here and listen close and carefully, I'm going to slowly explain what condescending means? Go ahead and take notes if needed."

"How do you make a little girl cry even more? You wipe your bloody dick off on her teddy bear."

"Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we'll let you go Bad Batman: Ben Affleck"

"So my dad dropped this on my mom this morning Mom - ""You know the neighbor always kisses his wife every morning before work. Why don't you do the same?"" Dad - ""How can I? I barely know her!"""

"What did the hen say when she saw the scrambled eggs? My poor, mixed-up kids..."