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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the dinner on the moon? Great food no atmosphere."

"You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, ""now ye must kiss me."""

"A cop pulled me over and said ''Papers...'' So I said, ''Scissors, I win!'' and drove off like a boss!"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't let a garbanzo bean on my face"

"What do you call Charlie Sheen in a wheelchair? ROLAIDS"

"Steve Jobs' entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger's cord."

"What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in? A high rise"

"My mother said if never be able to build a car out of spaghetti.. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta."

"I hate it when I see an inflatable arm-flailing tube man and then I realize that he was actually flailing his arms at someone behind me."

"I'd love to see Jason Statham's face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles."