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Joke of the Day

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" Apparently it wasn't the best way to try to convince my girlfriend to get an abortion."

"""I'd hit that."" Clearly what my head thinks about cupboard doors and other hard surfaces when I least expect it."

"I want to die like my father; sleeping in peace ... Not like his passengers; screaming in fear."

"Why are trombones the sexiest instruments in the orchestra? Because they can be played in seven positions and you have to oil the slide."

"Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing? Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!"

"*after 7 hours in a Chinese restaurant* Me to waiter: ""Actually, do you think I could have a fork?"""

"My dad suffers from bowel incontinence, and so do I ... It runs in my jeans."

"What do they do to dead scientists? They barium."

"What do you call a man without a beard? A woman."

"Last night a police officer knocked on my door and said ""Sir, it looks like your mother in law has been hit by a bus"" I replied "" I know, but she has a great personality."""