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Joke of the Day

"Erlich Bachman. This is you as a old mayn. I'm a ugly and dead, alone."

"What piece of furniture can you always trust? A Reputable."

"*blows bubbles in your face to distract you as I take all of your tater tots*"

"What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much? Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty"

"What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist? Dill Rye"

"I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, ""do you want to split a sandwich."" I say, ""sure"" and then I'm just left with the bread."

"Kanye West ruined his chances of having sex with Taylor Swift this weekend... TIDAL and his album release have proven he's premature."

"So proton calls up electron and says, ""Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"" And electron says, ""Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"""

"Santa came last night. Oh god.... it's everywhere :("

"Gave my seat to a blind man on the bus Lost my job as a bus driver."