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Joke of the Day

"HER: Are you a dog or cat person? BRAIN:*be cool, she seems pretty great* ME: Whatever you want to eat is fine. BRAIN: *nailed it*"

"Why married guys are fat A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting there; he goes to bed. A married guy goes in the bedroom, sees nothing interesting there; he goes to the fridge."

"My Mum saw me naked this morning Guess now she knows what she's getting for Christmas."

"If you ever get a job at a bank, take care not to slice your hand open while handling notes and coins. If that happens, you'll be sure to get a pay cut."

"My wife and I agreed to only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack of cigarettes for 6 months... She's up to 2 packs a day."

"The Worst Joke Ever What kind of jokes do farmers tell? CORNY JOKES!!!"

"Apple Airpods A $159 game of hide and seek."

"There is only one type of cake I don't like Stomach ache"

"I got my dog vaccinated... ...I think she might have paw-tisim now."

"So... I hear Bono's door fell off his plane yesterday... I guess he doesn't like unexpected things happening to HIS property without his knowledge, either."