114896

Joke of the Day

"Catharine Zeta Jones gets naked, ties a red sheet around around her neck runs into the bedroom, jumps up on the bed and yells ""super pussy"". Michael rolls over and says ""Think I'll take the soup."""

"So there's this girl named Mary... 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph 2. Mary ends up pregnant 3. ??? 4. Prophet"

"Why does Trump hate McCain so much? He heard McCain stayed in a Hilton for 5 years."

"*Giving TED talk* Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair! *he does and a mousetrap snaps* Me: trust no one *audience claps*"

"Soviet dating advice Stop stalin, do not russian to things, putin an effort"

"What does it sounds like when a Japanese Homer Simpson forgets how to count to 11? ""Nin, ten, *Doh*"" ....I'll leave now."

"What do you do when you miss your ex? Reload and shoot again."

"Here's to the stork that brings good babies... Here's to the stork that brings good babies, the raven that brings bad babies, and to the swallow...that brings *no* babies!"

"So, I asked a few former Wall Street employees how they were going to clean their record... ...""Submerse it in water"", they said. The bath-tards."

"I told my boyfriend that a penis is like a nipple They are shaped sort of like a nipple, they sometimes squirt white stuff, and it's an erogenous zone. He said ""yea, and mine feeds babies."""