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Joke of the Day

"Oh, you're a lesbian? You're not attracted to men, so you go date girls that look like men. That makes complete sense."

"Almost done with my peanut butter & jelly sandwich and I now notice the bread is covered in mold, If you need me I'll be bathing in bleach."

"Girls are like condoms They spend more time in the wallet than on your dick."

"I made the kids put sunglasses on the snowman so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with the neighbors."

"How many Donald Trumps does it take to screw a light bulb I don't know but to screw a country it only takes one"

"Home Alone (1990) A know-it-all, suburban elitist cruelly humiliates two economically anxious men, seeking to improve their lives"

"""Hm. I love being bored and injured. I just wish it was also expensive and cold."" - the invention of skiing"

"what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm Rape!"

"""Hi, it's me. I can't get to the phone right now, even though it's right here in my hand."""

"I don't think I'd be as calm as Billy Joel was in that song if an old man was sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin."