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Joke of the Day

"If a policeman is knocking on your door and you have a pile of dead babies on your bed, what's the hardest thing to hide? Your erection."

"Jehovah's Witnesses are like testicles They come in pairs, one is always bigger than the other, they keep knocking on the door but never get in, and if they do, shits about to get freaky."

"So there are three nuns walking down the street and a streaker runs by... The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third, the third nun doesn't touch him."

"If Twitter was any more fun we'd have to smuggle it in from Mexico."

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop, duh."

"You know what I get off on? Subway platforms."

"I'm really disappointed after hearing about Trump and the golden shower thing. I thought we had seen the end of republican trickle down economics."

"Where does a pornstar go for timeout? The casting couch"

"If you bring back your paper bags at Whole Foods, they'll give a refund of 5 cents. After a year you'll have enough money to buy an orange."

"if i was a ghost i would probably still just watch netflix"