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Joke of the Day

"Mechanic: that's gonna cost $2000 Me: how much? Mechanic: $3000 Me: what did you say before that Mechanic: I said ""that's gonna cost"""

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"A man walks into a music store and asks the assistant ""I have really enjoyed Beethoven's Concerto. Have you got some of his earlier work, concertA to concertN?"""
"Guy: so what u up to after this? Me: {remembering my friend said to be mysterious but quirky} probably eat a whole red onion in an alley"
"me (on desert island): good thing i was able to grab this CD player & my 5 fav CDs other survivor: I saw you put down bread & pick those up"
"Little Miss Muppet sad on a crumpet... And said ""What the Hell! Who fucking put this here?!"""
"Why do cows have hooves? Because they lac tose"
"STOP HITTING ON MY TWITTER CRUSH YOU... YOU... EQUALLY UNKNOWN INTERNET DUDE!"
"What do you call a cock blocker? A knobstacle."
"Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?"
"I haven't lost my virginity yet Because I never lose"
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