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Joke of the Day

"So earlier I held the door for an Asian guy... He said ""Sank you"" ...so I punched him. I couldn't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that."

"Dearest wife, The war on Christmas goes well. We found an elf stronghold & cut off its candy cane supply lines. Last night, they ate Donner."

"So, a baby seal walks into a club."

"When choosing a bottle of wine, it's good to pick one with a picture of the animal you'd most like to get drunk with on the label."

"I see ISIS is finally practicing Structured Programming. They're eliminating GOTOs."

"How many IT professionals does it take to change a lightbulb? Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool? Deep ends really."

"Who is this rorschach guy..... and why does he paint all these pictures of my parents fighting."

"I'm trying my best to give up using sexual innuendos.... But it's SO hard."