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Joke of the Day

"*CRASH* *THUMP* *SCREAM* *Husband runs into bedroom* H: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY? Me: Yeah. Just taking off my sports bra."

"Me: BOOP! teehee! Cop: .. Me: sorry. did you want me to touch MY nose?"

"Whats invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts. ( this joke made me laugh my butt of when i was a kid)"

"How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas? He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!"

"When do women get to climb the corporate ladder? When it's time to clean the glass ceiling."

"The World's Shortest Joke Two women were sitting quietly."

"Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You'd think SOMEONE could've let me know I was out of toilet paper."

"Did you know that God is rich? Yeah, back in Israel he made a prophet."

"[waking up as an adult] What a beautiful day. I wonder what parts of my body will hurt today"

"Damn you Jehovah's, suckered me in to opening my door. Sure,I'll read your literature, while you read my twitter. We'll see who converts who"