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Joke of the Day

"I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair."

"What do you call a flower in Florida? Orlando Bloom."

"I killed 3 men yesterday... All 5 of them were black."

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for."

"What do you call a horny guy in a pool? Driftwood"

"Interviewer: what's your greatest weakness? Me: I'm always very honest. Interviewer: I don't think that's a weakness. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."

"Me: I know you from somewhere Jesus: I get that a lot Me: no I'm sure Jesus: just one of those faces Me: [holding arms out] go like this"

"It's a man's job to respect a woman. But, it's a woman's job to give him something to respect..."

"The Cheesiest Joke I Know What did the cracker say to the slice of cheddar? ""Say, you're looking mighty sharp today!"" To which the cheddar replied, ""Fuck you, white boy."""

"What's Darth Vader's Favorite Mineral? co-pper"