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Joke of the Day

"I just found a great new way to check email, Facebook, Twitter, chat with friends and buy stuff on eBay, all from one spot. I got a job."

"The fish said to the... no the fish over heard... dammit that's not it... Okay I had a really good fish joke but forgot it, be patient walleye think it over."

"How are procrastination and masturbation alike? At first it's all fun, but in the end you realize you're just screwing yourself."

"While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins. I ran in to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging a hole."

"*First Date* Me: *Flirting* You have to promise not to fall in love with me. Him: There's cheese in your hair. And we haven't eaten yet."

"Vladimir Putin is dressing up in a taco costume... I guess you could say he was Putin' on the Ritz."

"My favorite sex position is the JFK. It's where I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one."

"Lil Wayne, Chris Brown, and Pitbull walk into a bar. Drake ducks."

"I was arrested for stealing shoes... I just wanted to pay less at Payless!"