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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a cyclist put his hand out to indicate he was turning left when a lone pedestrian high fived him. I feel so good right now."

"They don't seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts. Sad."

"I just created a new rhythm. I really wanted to tell everyone but I didn't want to make a song and dance of it"

"There was one good thing still to be said about the politician who went to prison for stalking... He was a man of the peep-hole!"

"What do you call a Graveyard built on sandstone? A sedimentary."

"A small plane crashed into a cemetery... the forensics found no survivors. They have found 268 bodies by sunset. They will continue searching tomorrow morning..."

"Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you."

"I fucked a girls butthole."

"What's a Neckbeards' favourite colour? M'genta"

"Someone just sat across from me at a table at Starbucks. They got too close to my food so I bit them."