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Joke of the Day

"Being raised as a catholic was tough. As soon as I hit 12 I had acne come on my face, as did the priest."

"A Higgs boson walks into a church, ""We don't allow Higgs bosons in here!"" shouts the priest. ""But without me, how can you have mass?"" asks the particle."

"What do you get when you mix a monkey and a midget? Tom Cruise"

"In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you're never allowed to unbutton your pants."

"What kind of flour is independent? Self-Raising flour.. I'll get my coat."

"Reddit is like a fridge... You know there's nothing new inside, but you check it out every ten minutes."

"What is the difference between a gorilla and Michael Jackson? One of them got shot for touching a kid."

"I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says ""Text Me"""

"I asked my girlfriend to buy me some Japanese food. ... sushi did."

"When runner-ups in reality shows say, ""I may not have won but I'm still a winner,"" do they understand how language and/or competition works?"