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Joke of the Day

"[texting] Wife: Clean out your bowels. Me: OK. Wife: *bowls. The ones in the sink Me: *chugging laxatives* Damn it."

"A psychic goes to buy clothes Employee: how about this one? Psychic: That top is too small Employee: You didn't even try it on Psychic: I'm a medium"

"They should make a movie of how WW4 almost started The sum of all spears"

"Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you."

"People the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you."

"Why couldn't the life guard save the hippie? He was too far out, man."

"Where's Jesus when you need him. There's only 2 fish sticks left and I've got company coming."

"Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first."

"Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow? Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it."

"What's brown and sticky? A stick. My combo joke: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick."