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Joke of the Day

"How many Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and another to hold the penis. ... ... ... Er... I mean... The ladder."

"In capitalist America! Bank robs you!!"

"Saying ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" means basically the same thing... ...except at a funeral. Edit:Thank you Demitri Martian for the joke"

"My calendar says there's a new moon tomorrow. The old one was there for 4.5 billion years; you'd think people would be more excited."

"Wanna hear a story about a ghost? That's the spirit."

"HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten."

"Every time I lay down in bed I think 'why didn't I do this sooner?'"

"I want to grab some Mexican tonight and then maybe have some dinner with him"

"What's the difference between Jesus and Bono? Jesus doesn't think he's Bono"

"What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table? Gilles de la gourmette"