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Joke of the Day

"When I die I want my hand to be glued in a thumbs up, and my body lowered into molten steel."

"[praying mantis first date] Female: You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Male: Yeah well, you know, saving it for marriage."

"What is a vampire's favourite soup ? Scream of mushroom !"

"Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up ?"

"Why was the composer late for work? He missed Debussy. I'll just leave."

"They say parrots don't like change... So you could that they are very right-winged."

"A man walks into a bar... and his crippling alcoholism is tearing his family apart"

"Judge: Did you deal him a death blow with this custom crafted sword? Me: Yes, your honor, I smelt it and dealt it.. Jury: *giggles*"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he wont come when you call it!"

"Why do elephants wear green shoes? So they can sneak across pool tables. Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table? Works, doesn't it?"