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Joke of the Day

"What was left in the bathroom on the starship Enterprise? The Captain's Log."

"Girl are you the legendary Pokemon Mewtwo? Because I've been playing with my balls all day and you're nowhere to be found."

"I put $1 aside every time my girlfriend has sex with me, and that's how much I'll spend for her birthday present So far I'm getting one fancy-ass glove."

"There was a kidnapping earlier today But then he woke up"

"*puts arm around you* You've been burned before but, you're safe with me. Let your gaurd down, girl. *steals your pizza*"

"Condoms Two condoms are walking down the street, where they pass a gay bay One turns to the other and says ""want to go inside and get shit-faced?"""

"My friends call me an attention whore, but that can't be true Just look at me!"

"Roses are red Violets are blue Stop clicking your pen when you talk to me Kevin I swear I will murder your face with my tape dispenser"

"Holy Communion: PRIEST:""This is the body of Christ. Take it "" ME:""Uum,can I instagram it first?"" *We laughed & then I was excommunicated*"

"ME: my greatest strength is giving people clever nicknames. QUESTION ASKER MAN: and how is this a skill that will help you here?"