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Joke of the Day

"How many homophobes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They don't accept change, even if it means a brighter world."

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"Are your other donkeys jealous because that's one fine ass"
"What do you call a ghost detective? An Inspectre"
"[girlfriend yelling] You have an unhealthy attachment to your pets with weird names! [she knocks over my dead hamster's shrine] GILGAMESH!"
"The 15YO turns 16 today. Getting him a cake in the shape of a massive increase in our auto insurance premiums."
"What did the Wealth of Nations say to the Communist Manifesto to cheer it up? Some day you will be red!"
"Ice skaters... ...do it on the slide, if you know what I mean"
"A friend asked me to rate the movie ""Django"" I gave it a 3/5."
"Maybe the Loch Ness Monster is really just giraffes that don't want people to know they like to swim YOU DON'T KNOW"
"Don't quote me, but I'm pretty sure mint Oreos are filled with toothpaste."