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Joke of the Day

"Never have unprotected sex with a cannibal. Or next thing you know, you'll have a baby in the oven."

"An Old Woman Commissions a Tombstone... ... she asks the carvers to write ""born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin."" It wouldn't fit on the face, so they just wrote ""Returned unopened."""

"If he asks you to be his girlfriend say yes and then hide from him so he can never break up with you."

"How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground? He felt the slack in his dog's leash."

"Somewhere in Russia, a little kid farted a half beat before the meteor blew out all the windows. It was the greatest moment of his life."

"My name is jafar, I came from afar, I got a bomb in my car, Allah Uakbar"

"Want to know a 100% effective form of birth control? Abortion 0_o"

"There is no such thing as a fear of flying... But a fear of falling on the other hand...."

"What do you call a pachyderm that sings jazz? Elephants Gerald"

"What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends? Old Bay."