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Joke of the Day

"Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?"

"Despite what everyone says, I don't think your mom is a ""dirty pirate whore"". She's actually quite clean for a pirate whore."

"Supermarket Workers So this woman comes to the meat section of a supermarket and asks the butcher if he has any brain, and he responds with: ""Miss, if I had a brain I wouldn't be working here"""

"Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat."

"How do you catch an orange elephant? I don't know. I've never seen an orange elephant."

"[Noah from the Bible is doing laundry and his washer just starts spewing water] DEBORAH GET THE BOAT"

"In most of the country, if you lose your khakis you have no pants... But in Boston, if you lose your khakis you can't start your car."

"911: 911, what seems to be the emergency? Me: My nephew just hit the wall while running 911: Haha Me: Haha 911: Ok paramedics are on the way"

"This absolutely killed me when somebody told me this in a lecture last week... What do you do if you come across a Tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise."

"911 The American police have said they will never forget 9/11. Pretty hard too, I would think, considering it's your phone number!"