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Joke of the Day

"SATAN: I will tempt you into leaving the desert JESUS: Oh yeah I can't wait to get back to the place where everyone hates me and has leprosy"

"My wrists hurt every time I drive through a tunnel with passengers. The doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel."

"""Sorry, I don't date block guys.""- racist lego woman."

"What is the name of that disgusting, hairy and mostly useless piece of flesh that dangles around the vagina? Your mom."

"When BP says, ""We have the spill under control"" is the new ""I promise not to come inside you."""

"What does your hot mom where under her skirt? A Freudian slip."

"Still wondering if that guy I saw yesterday wearing a t-shirt in the pool was fat or not. So hard to tell!"

"Text me once, shame on you. Text me twice, congratulations, we are now trapped in an infinite emotional prison."

"The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. At least that's what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene."

"How many times should you check whether a sentence is written in English or Spanish? Once."