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Joke of the Day
"Why did the scout leader get arrested? They caught him eating a brownie"
Next Joke
"A strong person stands up for himself. A stronger person stands up for himself while bench pressing another person standing up for himself."
"[crouches down] [rubs earth between fingers] 'The pizza went that way ..'"
"If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn't mean I'm stalking you...It just means you haven't looked nice in awhile"
"What do you do when you see your wife stumbling around in the backyard? Shoot her again."
"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it"
"The only B word you should be using to describe her is ""Beautiful."" Because bitches love being called ""beautiful."""
"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotapus"
"There's an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn't just hard it's impossible."
"I've found that most girls make a lot of noise in the bedroom... Usually right after they see me at the window."