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Joke of the Day

"Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer? Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!"

"US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today."

"I dropped french class because my teach was a dick... I was late on the first day and he said i was a retard."

"[1hr before date] Me: (to waiter) So when I order the extra spicy chicken you say 'brave choice sir' and then bring the Lemon Herb chicken"

"My mom used to tuck me in every night. She really wanted a daughter."

"""Hey, wanna get hunted down by humans?"" ""Sure, I'm game."""

"My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten."

"Why don't ghosts have legs? Because they're so white the can't dance."

"Bernie Sanders only has one night stands It's totally not his choice, but women tend not to call back once they still Feel The Bern the next morning."

"Doctor Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed what can I do? Saw the legs off of your bed!"