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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Do you want to watch Batman Forever?"" Me: ""I'll watch it for a couple of hours."" Wife: ""I hate you."""

"Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger? It had beef."

"I like my women like I like my Starbucks coffee. Left cold and empty with my name written across them."

"[OC] Why did the mortgage broker go out of business? Because he lost interest."

"Don't play with a girl's heart she only has one play with her tits, she has two of those."

"I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don't have Windows."

"I'm going to sit here and wink at you. It's going to be a very long wink. With both eyes. Please, by all means, go on with your story."

"Why did Adrian Peterson sign with the Minnesota Twins? Because they needed a switch-hitter."

"Which country has the highest number of foolish people? Hungary. Stay Hungary, Stay Foolish"

"You know what the opposite of Netflix and Chill is? 9/11 and school"