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Joke of the Day
"Why are you so pissed? You asked me what turns me on and all I said was you not talking..."
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"My friend just won the Scandinavian excavator championship by moving a beer can from one table to another without denting it. My friend knows his ways around beer."
"What do you call a bitchy midget who can get to places quickly? A shortcunt."
"While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?"
"Is that really your rectal temperature? Nah, I just pulled it out of my ass."
"When a woman says ""fine"" what she really means is ""I'm going to say things are fine but they really aren't and I will later throw it back in your face."
"My father always said to me, if you build it, they will come'. That's why I now own my own strip club."
"Having some romantic time with yo girl when she asks you to go deeper But you run out of poems."
"Wife: I made you an appt. with the eye doctor Me: [spreading cream cheese onto Destiny's Child CD] MY EYES ARE FINE"
"My best friend ran away with my wife.... I miss him."