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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the French baker who kept burning himself on the top shelf of his oven? He had a high threshold for *pain*"

"Why are Aspirins and Paracetamol white? Well, you want them to work, don't you?"

"Last night I was using Google docs This morning I decided to use Google moorings."

"The pot called the kettle black. The pot is silver............we now have a situation in the kitchen."

"dude *scoffs like 7 times in a row* of course i'm not a virgin... i have lots of *starts readin hand, ink is hella smudged* secular intercom"

"me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot"

"55378008 Calculator"

"What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral? One less drunk."

"Map Makers Are Perverts Give those guys an inch, and they'll make it a mile"

"Why was the redneck on his Iphone at his sister's funeral...? He was changing his relationship status to single. Dahurpy durp Dahurpy Durp Da dUrpy durp."