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Joke of the Day

"Y'know what really brings out the inner child in you? Abortion"

"*Jesus emerges from tomb* Wow was that 3 days? Holy cow. I was marathoning The Wire. You guys seen this?"

"So you want to hear a joke My life..."

"Did you hear the one about the amber alert? Neither did I, but should I allow the children out of my basement yet?"

"Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts."

"have you tried subways new jared special? two small buns with extra mayo"

"Sometimes when I say ""I'm ok"", I just want someone to tell me: ""I know you're not, here, have a million dollars."""

"FYI guys: If a girl plays w/ her hair while talking to u, it means she has an itchy scalp, possibly lice. Stay away, it is very contagious."

"[comes out of coma after 12 years] ME: Holy shit I forgot to set my AIM status to 'Away'! DOCTOR: you might want to take a seat"

"2032:: Scientists force bees and birds to mate, just for kicks. 2033: The Bumblehawks reign supreme."