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Joke of the Day

"I hate how people treat amputees differently. Just because they're missing a limb or two doesn't make them any less of a person."

"Have you heard about the dyslexic robber who ran into a bank? He screamed: ""Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fuck up!"""

"I've got a great sense of humor *closes eyes and tilts head slightly upward* yes. there is humor nearby. 40, no, 50 yards from here"

"Penis nicknames My ex-girlfriend nicknamed my penis after her favorite rapper, Biggie. So I nicknamed her boobs after my favourite country band, Rascal Flatts."

"MOBSTER: *cracks knuckles* ME: that supposed to intimidate me? *his fingers start to glow like glowsticks* ME: k I'm scared but thats rad"

"ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf. HER: *giggling* So, my place or... ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers* HER: WHAT THE"

"Telling people to ban same sex marriage cuz of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food cuz you're on a diet."

"Stuffs sugar packets into my handbag as I leave the cafe. Sachets away."

"When do you stop at green, and go at red? when eating watermelon"

"Have you heard the joke about Whole Foods? It was so bad it made me sustainably groan."