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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life."

"Office fun: replace your coworker's mouse with a larger mouse so he thinks his hands are shrinking then call him ""baby hands"" until he quits"

"What was the vacant lot's favorite Spoon song? Don't Make Me A Target"

"Women just want to make us better men, not drain our life essence. And sharks are just trying to kiss us but their teeth get in the way."

"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.. That's not a miracle. That's tapas."

"When people say things like ""You can't change the past"" I can't help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind."

"The first time I got a universal remote control... I thought to myself, ""This changes everything."""

"What does 100% humidity mean? Even dry farts feel like wet farts."

"Three Chickens Three chickens on a cliff, the first falls, the second was attached to the first, The therd, well. He died of peer presure."

"i imagine my dog spends a lot of time thinking about how tall i am and how great it is to have a giant as a best friend who can reach treats"