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Joke of the Day

"""Dad Is that a killer whale?"" ""No son thats an orca"" ""Oh. Well what's a killer whale?"" ""U see that whale that's covered n tats & smokin weed"

"What's black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee."

"Why do countries ""cut ties"" when things get tense ? So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties."

"Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It didn't want to get stuck in any cracks."

"Wearing Crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude... It feels really good until you look down, and realize how gay you are. Edit: Adam Carolla apparently wrote this. Who knew?"

"What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Beef"

"Advice on getting a girl everytime My friend told me to use oysters, they work every time. I replied bollox she will notice them floating in her drink."

"If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore"

"[sits son down after he didn't win science fair] son, tomorrow some will call me ""hero"" others will call me ""guy who fought a teacher"""

"Now I'm trying to see if I can hear the ocean - me, as a gynecologist"