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Joke of the Day

"Advice on getting a girl everytime My friend told me to use oysters, they work every time. I replied bollox she will notice them floating in her drink."

"i'm a functioning alcoholic which means i like alcohol roughly as much as i like functioning."

"What is Michael Bay's favorite chess move? C4."

"Chuck Norris Joke. Why does Mona Lisa smiling? The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live."

"Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan!"

"- If you insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you! - Don't be selfish, think about the baby. - What baby? - Oh, so you're not pregnant?"

"Reddit, what is your best one-two line joke? I heard one recently, what do you get when you put TNT in a bra? Tit bits."

"How many Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis... I meant... The ladder."

"What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees"

"How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer? There is white-out on the screen. How do you know that another blonde has been using the computer? Someone has written on the white-out."