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Joke of the Day

"""You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm."" I told the prostitute. ""That's not true,"" she replied, ""Of course it is,"" I laughed, ""What do you mean?"" She said, ""I'm a man."""

"I just put on a Apple sticker to my Toshiba laptop.. .. so it's now called a Macintoshiba!"

"The quickest way to immigrate to America... Is on a one way ticket to Mexico."

"Like my Uncle always told me, if at first you don't succeed... keep sucking until you do suck seed."

"What do you call a person who falls onto you on a train ? A laplander !"

"That awkward moment when you're scuba diving and you see adele rolling in the deep."

"Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?"

"Bouncer: Woah. Dress code Me: This is a suit B: Yeah, a chicken suit. *puts nugget in bouncer's pocket *pats it M: We good? B: Have fun, sir"

"I saw a prostitute running a marathon today she was full of spunk"

"[death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man"