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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spit, swallow, gargle."

"Back in my day we didn't have leaderboards or RTs. We just tweeted for fun. Uphill both ways. In the snow."

"Every Scooby-Doo mystery could be solved by asking, ""1: Who is your most disgruntled employee?"" and ""2: Does he have access to a mask shop?"""

"I told my friend an oxygen joke which he didnt get at first Until he finally went ""O"""

"How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None; they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw. Heard from my friend"

"[emergency room] ""We need to put pressure on the wound!"" [to wound] We've been together 6 months now, I think we should move in together"""

"[Buzzfeed for Cats] 6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM -Vacuum cleaner -Walls -The floor -Air -Yourself -Nothing. Nothing at all"

"I just had 'the talk' with my kid. You know, the one where you break the news that Batman isn't real."

"How does a crazy person get out of the woods? They take the psychopath."

"Guys, they lied to us. Peach was never in any real danger and Mario and Bowser are buddies. I saw all of them hanging out and go-karting."