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Joke of the Day

"Two peanuts walking down the street.... one was a salted (assaulted) XD"

"I heard 80% of all accident happen within 10 miles of home. So I moved."

"WIFE: You know, you're my best friend! Am I your best friend? ME: [subtly exchanges knowing glance with our dog] Of course you are, sweetie"

"how did the constipated... How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem... He just worked it out with a pencil."

"How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb? Five... six... seven... eight!"

"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."

"So Five Night's at Freddy's 3 was announced Is it going to have a dead horse animatronic that you have to beat?"

"I'm planning on releasing a fragrance based off of suffering. I'm going to call it ""Eau de Humanity"""

"I used to think an ocean of soda existed... but it was just a Fanta sea!"

"What's the difference between an orphanage and a beach ball? You won't go to prison for blowing up a beach ball."