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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird."

"""You'll be visited by 3 ghosts."" ""Will they show me the true spirit of Christmas?"" ""No, they'll try to eat you."" Pac-Man Christmas Carol"

"Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that."

"Every so often my mother has a great idea, usually it involves leaving my house."

"I'm not racist at all against black people because... ...every house should have one."

"What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday."

"Damn girl, are you my date for today? Because you are 10/10"

"[Terrorist tears open undercover FBI agent's jacket] Terrorist: FBI? Agent: uhhh Terrorist: hey guys this dude is a Female Body Inspector"

"I wasn't going to get a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind."

"A man orders soup at a restaurant. The waiter sets his plate down and he sees a fly in the bowl... So he asks the waiter, ""What's this fly doing in my soup?"" The waiter responds, ""The backstroke."""