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Joke of the Day

"Sexxist much? Q: how do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow? A: give her a shovel."

"What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist? A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats."

"Stuck in a hug. It went 5 seconds too long & now we're too stubborn to let go. Whoever dies first loses THE HUG WAR."

"My true love and I are like parallel lines. We will never meet and I will die alone."

"We have a strange custom in our office... The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was ""Michael""."

"Zoo Keeper:""I've lost one of my elephants"" Other Zoo Keeper:""Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"" Zoo Keeper:""Don't be silly he can't read!"""

"My computer is going very very ... FAST. IT Helpdesk joke"

"If you're smoking weed on the way to Home Depot I can predict your future, in 2 hrs you're going back to Home Depot."

"TIL there is a nerve that runs from the tear duct to the anus. If you don't believe me, let me pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye."

"Nostradamus's childhood Kid Nostradamus asks his mom: ""Mom, what's for dinner?"" ""Like you don't know, you little prick!"""