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Joke of the Day

"What's Captain America's shield made out of? What's Captain America's shield made of? Vibranium. What's Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver."

"What is the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver passes a stop sign, the stoner waits for it to turn green."

"I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves."

"Want to hear a good joke? Me too."

"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."

"I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character And not the President of the United States."

"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles"

"A nurse reached into her pocket looking for her pen and found a rectal thermometer instead. She turned to her colleague and said ""some asshole has got my pen""."

"Who hasn't had Somalian food? Somalian children"

"Never serve bad food at a bris Otherwise the rabbi won't leave a tip"