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Joke of the Day

"Don't embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is open in public. Just be a man, walk over there, and slowly zip it up for him."

"So I thought about getting a Chinese hooker... But then I realized that I'd just be horny again in an hour"

"I never knew how smart Dolphins were... They are so smart that after only a few weeks of captivity they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish"

"I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is. When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10 miles in the snow to get weed"

"The legal system is like bleach, Works perfectly for whites, but not with colors."

"If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader then she would be known as Ella Vader......."

"Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people."

"What do you call a carnivore get-together? a meat-up"

"Flying around shitting on cars. Rock on, birds. Livin' the dream!"

"Xanax, keeping moms from dropping their kids off at an orphanage since 1981."