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Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari.."

"I don't have a friend called Louise. If I did I would always be saying ""Jeez Louise"" to her. Then I wouldn't have a friend called Louise."

"Two Polish parents are sitting at the dinner table with their two kids... The father turns to the mother and says ""Why don't we send the kids out to P-L-A-Y, so we can fuck"""

"How much of northern Canada is livable? *Nunavut*"

"It's afro-carribean day at work tomorrow. I'm dreading it."

"99 Problems If you havin adventure problems I feel bad for you son, I dodged 99 arrows but my knee took one. Hit me!"

"[wife comes home from work] ""why havent you done any of the things i asked you to"" [the dog walks past dressed as a policeman] ive been busy"

"Michael J Fox called me earlier but of course he had dialed the wrong number."

"My wife asked me to go down to the shop to pick up six cans of sprite... When I got to the checkout I realized I accidentally picked 7-up."

"So I'm having sexy times With my girl when I stop and hold perfectly still. She asks ""what are you doing?"" I say ""it's a new move I learned on the Internet, it's called buffering!"""