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Joke of the Day

"Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today: Me: What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye? Him: I give up Me: A terrorst"

"I always give 110%. Oops. Left out the decimal point. I always give 1.10%."

"Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ""It's dark in here isn't it?"" The other replied, ""I don't know; I can't see."""

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying...It seemed pretty important to him that I have it, I'll cherish it always. edit: grammar"

"Well you know what they say about history. Those who don't learn from history: Those who don't learn from history."

"What's the world's longest Ted Talk? How I Met Your Mother"

"My suit made entirely of Hello Kitty Bandaids did not help me much at my hospital interview. Apparently you have to go to medical school."

"Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder what happened to my roof"

"A man in the car beside me had his arm out the window and I was admiring his sleeve tattoo until I realized it was only excessive arm hair"

"My signature move is falling in love with a beautiful girl, then giving her really good advice on how to date someone else."