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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard the joke about my penis? Nevermind, no one ever gets it."

"If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?"

"Why can't Thor play the piano or hide n seek with his brother? He can never find the Loki."

"My gay friend was up all night studying for his AP tests he was full of AP-ness"

"24 bugs in the code 24 bugs in the code... Take one down patch it all out... 78 bugs in the code..."

"What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common? They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs."

"We only cook with fresh, local ingredients so tonight we're grilling our neighbor's cat."

"I had to stop drinking. I kept getting that thing where you feel sick and your head hurts... Depression."

"What they don't tell you about bathing in the blood of your enemies is your body hair is a light magenta for like the next 3 or 4 days. Ugh."

"Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose'"